Comedy Central Mocks Crucified Jesus as Bodybuilding Sex Maniac

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Comedy Central’s anti-Christian “humor” reached a new low on Tuesday’s @ Midnight, after the game show used an image of a crucifix featuring a muscular Jesus to launch vile jabs at Christ. Host Chris Hardwick prompted comedians Mary Lynn Rajskub and Kurt Braunohler to come up with lines from “this Jesus’s sermon.” Rajskub replied, “Get thee behind me Satan, and spot me; and then, I will in turn spot for you; and then, we can soap each other’s dicks in the locker room.” Braunohler went further: “Do others as you would have others do you. Ripped Jesus loves to f**k.” [video below]

Hardwick led into the sketch by introducing, “our live challenge, ‘Jesus Christ, You’re Ripped’!” He asserted that “American Christians tend to represent Jesus as a meek, friendly white guy, who likes like someone you might rent a snowboard from,” and featured a version of a Polish depiction of Jesus called the Divine Mercy Image. He asked, “Is that really how you want your all-powerful, savior to be represented?” Hardwick then introduced the image of the crucifix: “Personally, I prefer the Jesus they worship in Korea. Man, he’s jacked! Look at that! Damn!

Before asking his comedian guests to come up with lines from “this Jesus’s sermon,” the host paraphrased a catchphrase of Marvel’s superhero, The Incredible Hulk: “Jesus smash!” After a commercial break, Hardwick first turned to Ferguson, who kept it cleaner than the other two contestants: “I think I need to perform a miracle, ’cause these Pilates are sick!’” Rajskub, who played Chloe on Fox’s 24, followed with her male appendage crack. The crude Braunohler went last, and also finished last in the points that Hardwick awarded: “Thousand points, Mary Lynn; five hundred, Craig; 250, Kurt.”

This isn’t the first time that the Comedy Central program has lewdly attacked Jesus. Back in November 2104, comedian contestant Jeffrey Ross reacted to an image from a calendar of Catholic priests: “I’m not even gay, and I want to nail him, like Jesus to the Cross.” Hardwick added an anti-Semitic joke: “Listen. don’t worry: Jeff [Ross] is a Jew. He did nail Jesus to the Cross.”

In a Wednesday press release, the Catholic League’s Bill Donohue blasted Comedy Central, noting that “the crucifixion of Jesus is a favorite target for laughs” on the game show. Donohue later remarked that “this latest mockery of Christ’s suffering on the Cross was broadcast in the middle of the Christian holy season of Lent was surely no accident. That they only choose Christian holy seasons to act like beasts is telling” (note: MRC President Brent Bozell serves on the board of advisors for the Catholic League).

The transcript of the relevant portions of the February 23, 2016 edition of Comedy Central’s @ Midnight program:

CHRIS HARDWICK: It’s time for our live challenge, ‘Jesus Christ, You’re Ripped’! (audience cheers and applauds) Now, American Christians tend to represent Jesus as a meek, friendly white guy, who likes like someone you might rent a snowboard from. (audience laughs) I don’t know how accurate this is. But is that really how you want your all-powerful, savior to be represented? Personally, I prefer the Jesus they worship in Korea. Man, he’s jacked! Look at that! Damn! (audience laughs)

CRAIG FERGUSON (off-camera): Wow—

KURT BRAUNOHLER (off-camera): Wow—

FERGUSON: He’s even got — he’s got the leg muscles and — wow!

MARY LYNN RAJSKUB: It’s like, made-up muscles—

FERGUSON: Yeah—

HARDWICK: Jesus smash! (audience and Braunholer laugh). Thanks to Reddit-er Lokimonoxide for reposting this gem. Comedians, what’s a line from this Jesus’s sermon? We’re going to get your answers after the break.

(Commercial break)

HARDWICK: Welcome back to @ Midnight. (audience applauds) Before the break, I showed you a picture of a super-ripped Korean Jesus, clearly coming back from the gun show. I asked you to — guys, give me a line from one of his sermons. Let’s see what you came up with. Craig Ferguson.

FERGUSON: ‘I think I need to perform a miracle, ’cause these Pilates are sick!’ (audience applauds)

HARDWICK: Yeah. Yup. (laughs)

FERGUSON: (unintelligible) Like, started off Jesus; and then, he got ‘guy in a gym.’ That was my whole — conceive of the thing—

HARDWICK: That was the whole thing. It works very well—

FERGUSON: He was Jesus, and then (flexes muscles)

HARDWICK: He went on a journey. It was wonderful—

FERGUSON: He went on a journey—

HARDWICK: Mary Lynn. (laughs)

RAJSKUB: Get thee behind me Satan, and spot me; and then, I will in turn spot for you; and then, we can soap each other’s dicks in the locker room. (audience cheers and applauds)

FERGUSON: Okay; okay—

HARDWICK: All right. (audience continues applause)

Kurt Braunohler.

BRAUNOHLER: Do others as you would have others do you. Ripped Jesus loves to (expletive deleted) (audience applauds)

HARDWICK: All right. I got to do a thousand points for Mary Lynn—

FERGUSON: No kidding — yeah—

HARDWICK: Thousand points, Mary Lynn; five hundred, Craig; 250, Kurt.

View the original article here

Kombucha Starter Kit

 You Can Do It Yourself

Commercially-produced kombucha is widely available today and can be found in most supermarkets and health food stores. However, it’s actually easy to make your own fizzy kombucha beverage right at home using only a few necessary ingredients.. All you need is: • A large clean glass jar • Green or black tea • Sugar • Water • Wooden spoon • A coffee filter or cheese cloth • A rubber band • 1 SCOBY (symbiotic culture of bacteria and yeast) The SCOBY is responsible for the fermentation and production of healthy probiotic bacteria. You can purchase a SCOBY online or ask a friend who already makes their own kombucha. After that, it’s as easy as following a few simple steps until you’ve got your own homemade kombucha tea beverage.

[table id=1 /] By reducing the amount of chemicals entering the body we reduce disease and disorders.

Kombucha Tea

Personal Experiences ....

Frau T. S. from P., Germany, writes: "I have had it (the Kombucha tradition) for 6 months now, and my well being is bettering at all times, In short, I believe nice. I additionally handed it directly to buddies who're additionally more than happy with it and feature been cured of rheumatic pains and liver court cases, for instance.(...) I would not love to must surrender consuming the beverage."   "Since consuming Kombucha Tea I've spotted a drastic aid within the signs of HAY FEVER AND SINUS that I have been experiencing. I've a big VARICOSE VEIN on my proper calf All over the time I've been consuming the Kombucha Tea, I've spotted that it's been shriveled and it does now not itch or pain because it used to. I actually have a SENSITIVE STOMACH which has been relieved, and I'm additionally in a position to deal with REGULAR BOWEL ACTIVITY."
Mr H. Wilkins... Springwood, Qld.
"For about 17 years I have been affected by serious MIGRAINE HEADACHES, no less than thrice per week at a minimal. I used to be completely resigned to the truth that I'd proceed to be afflicted by this criticism and ache for the remainder of my fife. When visiting some buddies one night time I used to be requested if I would really like to take a look at one of the most " MIRACLE" drink referred to as Kombucha Tea. I used to be hesitant, however I did take a look at it anyway. It tasted fairly refreshing, however unknown to my buddies I had a ache in my higher gastric area which have been there many of the day. To my astonishment, inside part an hour of consuming this Kombucha Tea my ache had completely disappeared. After starting up to drink this tea two times day-to-day for the closing two and a part months I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED ONE MIGRAINE AT ALL. I'm so extremely joyful so to percentage this enjoy and inform other folks how this Kombucha Tea has benefited me and CHANGED MY LIFE."
Fay Haddrill ... French's Wooded area
Kombucha Tea is a fermented drink made with tea, sugar, bacteria and yeast. Although it’s sometimes referred to as kombucha mushroom tea, kombucha is not a mushroom — it is a colony of bacteria and yeast. Kombucha tea is made by adding the colony to sugar and tea, and allowing the mix to ferment. Kombuca Tea has been taken for its natural probiotic healing properties for thousands of years and due to recent information provided by RainTree Nutrition and The National Health Sciences Institute, there has been tremendous excitement to take this ancient elixir. Kombuca Tea is a powerful herbal supplement that the Shaolin Monks and Eastern Mystics have used for centuries to strengthen the body’s natural defenses including memory problems, premenstrual syndrome (PMS), joint pain and rheumatism, appetite loss, high blood pressure, constipation, arthritis, hair growth, immunity issues and cancer. Kombucha Tea can be brewed in your home with a Kombucha SCOBY. It produces a sweet, slightly sour Elixir that you can drink at anytime. Kombucha (formal name: Medusomyces gisevii, also called tea mushroom and manchurian mushroom) is a variety of fermented, lightly effervescent sweetened black or green tea drinks that are commonly intended as functional beverages for their supposed health benefits. Kombucha is produced by fermenting tea using a “symbiotic ‘colony’ of bacteria and yeast” (SCOBY). What makes Kombucha Tea so unique is its wide variety of bioactive phytonutrients, which work naturally at the cellular and systemic levels.

Boost Your Immune System

Those who love to look for natural health remedies will love the fact that kombucha is actually a natural antibiotic. This is because of the process of fermentation and its by-products. One of which is acetic acid, which creates a kind of sterile environment which inhibits the growth of unhealthy bacteria. The probiotics also fight the bad bacteria so whereas pharmaceutical antibiotics kill off all the bacteria in our systems, kombucha leaves the good and kills the bad. No bad bacteria means no infections which equals a healthy, happy immune system!

Helps With Digestion

Speaking of those probiotics…kombucha is full of healthy bacteria that do plenty of good for our bodily functions. One of kombucha's primary benefits is that its probiotics, yeasts, and enzymes help with digestion by breaking down food for better nutrient absorption. They also promote the growth of healthy gut flora, which help us to digest our food better and maintain a healthy pH level. Your gut also gets a break because it doesn’t have to work as hard to break down fermented foods because the bacteria have already done some of the work.

It’s Alcoholic

If you’re familiar with the brewing processes of beer, wine, or spirits, you’ll know that fermentation involves alcohol. This is because as the yeast breaks down the sugar, they release two things: carbon dioxide and ethanol (aka: bubbles and booze.) The level of alcohol is fairly low because the fermentation time isn’t that long and while commercially made kombucha beverages have found ways to reduce their alcohol content in order to comply with sales regulations, if you brew a batch at home there will definitely be some alcohol present. Something to keep in mind for pregnant or nursing mother

Kombucha Cocktails Anyone?

Here’s a fun fact: kombucha can be used to make cocktails! Not as the alcohol component, but rather as the mixer. Its sweet, sour, tangy flavor makes it a perfect compliment to your favorite spirit and can be used to make drinks such as a Kombucha-Rita (kombucha, ice, lime juice and taquila), Kombucha Sour (kombucha, whisky and lemon juice), or a kombucha version of a Shandy (half beer and half kombucha.) Furthermore, when you make your cocktails with kombucha rather than soda, you’re less likely to experience that dreaded hangover! This is because the antioxidants and detoxifying properties help combat the symptoms that lead to that terrible morning after feeling.

Loaded With B and C Vitamins

In addition to being full of many other beneficial nutrients, kombucha is loaded with Vitamins B and C, both of which are essential for optimum health. Vitamin B helps to ease stress levels, curb sugar cravings, lower your risk of heart disease, and help memory functions. It’s clear that B vitamins are pretty powerful, but those C vitamins present in kombucha have their own set of benefits. Among them are increasing the strength of the immune system, reduced risk of cardiovascular disease and playing an important part in the improvement of eye health. That’s a lot of benefits in one bubbly beverage!

 It Can Help With Stomach Issues

We mentioned before in the digestion slide that kombucha is more easily digested. We mentioned before in the digestion slide that kombucha is very easily digested. This is because the fermentation helps to pre-digest some of the enzymes, which means your pancreas doesn’t need to work as hard or secrete as much digestive fluid. Kombucha also helps to achieve a healthy PH balance in the gut and promotes the growth of healthy bacteria. For these reasons, the beverage has been known to help those suffering with stomach issues such as Irritable Bowl Syndrome, Crohn’s Disease, Celiac Disease, and Candida overgrowth. It Strengthens Your Stomach Walls Another component of kombucha is a substance called Butyric Acid, which is another by-product of the fermentation process. Butyric Acid is known to have antimicrobial and anti-carcinogenic properties as well as being known to strengthen the walls of your gut, kill parasites and protect against yeast infections. It’s an interesting substance that promotes overall digestive health from the inside out.

 It Strengthens Your Stomach Walls

Another component of kombucha is a substance called Butyric Acid, which is another by-product of the fermentation process. Butyric Acid is known to have antimicrobial and anti-carcinogenic properties as well as being known to strengthen the walls of your gut, kill parasites and protect against yeast infections. It’s an interesting substance that promotes overall digestive health from the inside out.

 It Helps With Joint Health

You may have heard of the amino sugar called Glucosamine, you may even give it to your elderly pets (or family members) to help with stiff or sore joints. In fact, glucosamine is one of the most common non-vitamin, non-mineral supplements used by adults in the USA today. Another amazing fact about kombucha is that it contains naturally occurring glucosamine which means this drink can help keep your joints healthy and moving correctly and even prevent arthritis. This is an especially appealing aspect for athletes who need to keep their bodies in top shape for as long as possible. It’s no secret that antioxidants are good for you. They neutralize free radicals in our bodies, which can cause cell damage relating to cardiovascular disease, cancer and other ailments.  
The best sources of antioxidants are fruits and vegetables but Kombucha is also full of these hard working little compounds which means that kombucha actually has detoxifying properties, which can help cleanse the liver and prevent cancer.
Kombucha is a variety of fermented, lightly effervescent sweetened black or green tea drinks that are commonly intended as functional beverages for their supposed health benefits. Kombucha is produced by fermenting tea using a “symbiotic ‘colony’ of bacteria and yeast” (SCOBY). Actual contributing microbial populations in SCOBY cultures vary, but the yeast component generally includes Saccharomyces and other species, and the bacterial component almost always includes Gluconacetobacter xylinus to oxidize yeast-produced alcohols to acetic and other acids.
Kombucha originated in what is now Manchuria around 220 BCE, and is said to have been imported to Japan around 400 CE by the physician Kombu. It is commonly It is commonly drunk in the United States.
Kombucha is a variety of fermented, lightly effervescent sweetened black or green tea drinks that are commonly intended as functional beverages for their supposed health benefits. Kombucha is produced by fermenting tea using a "symbiotic 'colony' of bacteria and yeast" (SCOBY). Actual contributing microbial populations in SCOBY cultures vary, but the yeast component generally includes Saccharomyces and other species, and the bacterial component almost always includes Gluconacetobacter xylinus to oxidize yeast-produced alcohols to acetic and other acids.

Kombucha originated in what is now Manchuria around 220 BCE, and is said to have been imported to Japan around 400 CE by the physician Kombu.[4] It is commonly drunk in the United States.


Kombucha Scoby

Believed to have originated in the Himalayan mountains, Jun is a special kombucha culture that feeds on honey rather than sugar. The result is a mouth-coating, mead-like kombucha with an unforgettable flavor – from which you may never look back! This is an excellent move toward sustainable ‘buch, as you can easily source local honey and explore the nuances of your region’s terroir. We find that lesser-oxidized teas tend to make the most pleasant Jun. Our Jun SCOBYs are made fresh every week with local honey and fair-trade, organic teas.

Brewing kombucha at home is easy and fun! You might be wondering, just what is kombucha and why would I want to brew it at home? Kombucha is a healthy fermented tea that is often used for medicinal purposes. It is a type of fermented food, where bacteria and/or yeast digest the sugars in a food to create different compounds that are anecdotally thought to support health.


Kombucha is tea and sugar that is fermented using something called a SCOBY, or a symbiotic colony of bacteria and yeast. The scoby digests the sugar in the tea, creating acetic acid (vinegar) and glucoronic acid, which is one of the components of kombucha that may be responsible for its purported health benefits. Once fermented, kombucha contains multiple species of yeast and bacteria along with active enzymes, amino acids, organic acids, and polyphenols produced by the yeast and bacteria. It can contain a small percentage of alcohol.

Brewing kombucha at home is much less expensive than buying it in the store, supporting goals of self-sufficiency for homesteaders. It is also easy and fun. If you’re a do-it-yourselfer, kombucha is a natural fit (as are all fermented foods!). Just set up the brew and let time and the scoby do the work.

In the photo above you see a scoby. SCOBYs are sometimes called “mother cultures” or “kombucha mushrooms.” In order to brew kombucha, you will need to get a SCOBY.

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